Permission . . . It may seem like a weird thing to talk about but it’s something that keeps showing up for me. I didn't realize how much I hesitated and waited for permission. And upon exploring this a little more, I asked myself, “who am I waiting to gain permission from?”
It’s obvious I’m no longer a child, needing permission from my parents or teachers, or even my friends. And my marriage is not the type where I need to ask my husband for his approval, so where did this nagging feeling come from?
This past weekend, I had my nephew’s graduation lunch. It was at Morton’s and I was excited to not only celebrate his achievements but also to get dressed up and go out with my family. (I don’t get out much - LOL!) I already knew I was going to wear something from the new collection. I love the colors we ended up doing and when I took a photo of Ash in this outfit for our website, I knew I wanted to wear a monochromatic look with the Jana Top and Milo Pants. So come the morning of the lunch, I put the outfit on and I felt . . . awkward.
Awkward was definitely not the feeling I was expecting so I checked in with myself. Do I feel too dressed up? Ashamed that this outfit might make me “stand out” too much? This was weird territory for me. I like to think of myself as fashionably brave and willing to take risks, so why did I feel uneasy? So I knocked on my daughter's bedroom door to see what she was wearing and to show her my outfit. I asked “is this too much?” And she immediately responded with “wow mom, you look nice!” And as I processed her compliment, I felt even more self-conscious . . . What’s happening??
So I asked about my shoe options. Olive always leans to the “reasonable” choice, but this time she asked me how I wanted to feel. Mmm, what insightful advice. I wanted to feel comfortable and at ease. And that led me to choose my combat boots – a little edge to the feminine Jana and Milo pairing. I walked out the door feeling like myself.
And it hit me later – I had been waiting for someone to give me permission to feel good in what I was wearing. My daughter, my reflection, someone. But Olive didn’t give me permission. She just asked the right question, and I found it myself.
What stayed with me was how automatic it was — the hesitation, the need to change and move away from what I wanted. Waiting for permission, the need for approval from someone. And I think this happens to a lot of us, whether we’re aware of it or not. That quiet voice asking is this too much? before we’ve even left the house. I’m learning to hear it – and then gently work to release it. And if you find yourself doing the same thing, I hope this inspires you to give yourself permission to look or feel a certain way; to gain your own approval for feeling beautiful and to sit in the wonderful feeling of joy. This is what I think fashion can do for our lives, to open a small window in which we can allow ourselves this moment of joy and beauty.
So the next time you love an outfit and immediately wonder if it’s “extra” or “too much” – sit with it for a second. The approval you’re looking for? It’s already yours.
