Rewriting My Story of Gratitude and Ease

I used to think I was good at practicing gratefulness. But through this season of growth, I’ve realized that living in gratefulness was actually a struggle for me. And I had a strange revelation recently . . . my daily practice of gratitude in the morning left me with this odd sense of “unease.” I actually left the practice feeling more anxious then relaxed. And in a session with my friend aka my “Spiritual therapist”- we uncovered that gratefulness felt like bragging to my inner self. WUUUUTTT?!

So I sat with this and everything started connecting. I grew up as a 4th generation Japanese-American, the middle child to two hard working parents. My dad is an entrepreneur and my mom spent most of her life working in the family businesses (yes, plural - we joke that my dad was a serial entrepreneur) while taking care of us. They both worked very hard. And while we had moments of ease, most of what I remember about them running these businesses was that it was HARD. As an empathic kid, I picked up all the moments of scarcity, stress, and fear — and those became my reference points. I learned life was hard and running a business was even harder.

And here’s the funny twist: even with those lessons, I still grew up wanting to start my own business. So that childhood mantra played on – “Life is hard. Running a business is hard. It takes a lot of hard work.” And without even realizing it, that belief system followed me straight into adulthood. So when all the self-help books said, “have a daily gratitude practice,” mine felt hard before I even got started. Your gratitude practice is supposed to make me feel good inside, right? But instead, it triggered the young child in me who believed life should be hard – and listing out the things I was grateful for was bragging . . . BOOM! I was hit with the weight of this realization, and so I sat with it, asking myself these questions: 

How can I get myself to accept that life can be easy? That life can be in flow? And even more than that - that I deserved an easy life?

I can’t tell you how this will all work out because I’m still in the thick of it. But even now, as I continue working through this gratefulness practice, I can say: it’s getting easier. And now, when I close my gratitude practice in the morning, I actually feel that sense of ease and gratefulness wash over me.

As painful as the process can feel sometimes, it’s worth it to look at your life and “count your blessings.” Because in a world that loops our painful experiences 24 hours a day — on the news, on our social media feeds — I want all of the good stuff on loop. And through this gratefulness journey, I can understand how this shifts every part of my life, even within my business. Because now I can allow myself to live and lead from a place of ease, not difficulty. And more than that — I can believe that each and every one of us deserves this ease as well. 

I want that ease for myself, and I want that ease for you. So as we move into the season of giving, I ask you try something . . .

Pause — and give yourself the love, the gratefulness, the generosity you’ve always reserve for others. Turn all of that love, light, and energy and share it with yourself too. Because you are amazing, you are powerful, and you have given so much of yourself to others. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to live in the moments of ease and gratefulness that are just for you. 

That is what I want for myself — and that is what I want for you!

Wishing you all the best this holiday season. I hope it’s full of love and light.

-Allison